It was interesting that naming this blog was actually a difficult task, one that required me to use someone else for creative inspiration. I wanted it to have the characteristic “emme” name in it, but still communicate another part of myself. Here were a few early ideas:
emmemed – There’s just so much you can do with emme (I’ve picked up quite a few nicknames including emme-mean, emme-queen, emmers, em, ems, emmereen, etc. etc.). I liked that “med” combined with emme quite nicely since that is pretty much going to be a large part of my life from now on…but I didn’t want the med stuff to be ALL of me. So that idea was gone.
emmetropia – It was pretty exciting to know that the term “emmetropia” actually exists in medical terms, meaning just having clear vision (or normal vision with no problems…literally NOT who I am since I am pretty much blind without contacts). Would have been quite clever (thank you Josh for coming up with it) since a blog communicates the writer’s perspective anyways. But I thought it might be a bit too arrogant and plus the name was already taken on WordPress (poo).
redeemed.emmetropia – Would have taken care of the self-centered (maybe) part of the emmetropia idea, but it’s too long and requires too much explanation.
THUS THE FINAL NAME:
redeemmed – No, I didn’t spell “redeemed” wrong but the word “emme” fit in quite nicely, and it also expresses part of what I hope this blog communicates – that everything I accomplish and grow in is not of my own accord but only through being redeemed daily by the love of Jesus Christ. If you break up the word “redeemmed” it can also be like “redeem med” which is also fitting since I want to see how God can use me in the medical education/work world to point people back to Him.
I love the word redeemed since one of my favorite lines from the song “There Is a Fountain” is the line:
“Redeeming love has been my theme and shall be til I die.”
We’re not redeemed once when we believe, we’re redeemed daily from our brokenness. And if we allow ourselves to surrender to God’s work each day, He has so many surprises in store for you so that you can see the world and yourself in a brand new way. This is my hope, that I can develop a good habit of blogging (especially in this last summer of MY LIFE) in order to have a record of God’s goodness that I can remind myself of.
Welcome to my new blog, moving on from the Xanga-world after 10+ years there. Found it suitable since I am in a new stage of life to also move onto a new blog-site and utilize my last free summer to do some more blogging (hopefully). Fortunately I’m still able to bring all my old Xanga posts on this page, maintaining my mission of keeping everything onto one site.
Thanks for transitioning with me!
-Emme
I recently posted up an article on my Facebook that generated quite a bit of attention and also provoked some pretty good thoughts. Article link here:
http://thechristianpundit.org/2012/08/15/it/
The post is basically a list of “red flags” to look for in potential husbands, and it does raise goods points in how a husband will have a profound influence over a woman. However when I read this to Eric, his first reaction was “This sounds just like a laundry list of things that girls will keep in mind in order to find the perfect husband…and they’re not going to find that guy.”
Of course this spurred some interesting discussion and Eric gave a lot of insight that I think is worth sharing. Too often we girls make tons of checklists for the dudes we have in mind, but we often neglect reflecting on ourselves. So out of fun, I asked him to make his own list of common Christian-girl “pitfalls” (some inspired by own weaknesses) and things to keep in mind:
1. BE ON THE SAME PAGE
If you are hoping to become a wife one day, then you also must be ready to enter serious conversations before and during a marriage to be on the same page. MUTUAL SUBMISSION is probably a better way to describe this. Both individuals have to cast a vision together that will unite them in their marriage, and also be willing to sacrifice their own desires for each other. This means that there will be times where we will also have to submit to the calling that God has placed in the man’s life and affirm him in that calling. Hopefully this is not too far off from where you feel your life is headed and you are able to follow God’s call together as a unified body.
2. YOU ARE NOT A PRINCESS
This is one point that the author made that was good. Of course, you are “princess” of God, but don’t expect your guy to treat you like one all the time. Don’t expect roses every other week or tender affection every minute. When girls say that “I want a man who loves me as Christ loves the church,” they often forget that Christ also spoke hard truths to His people. Yes, he should provide emotional support but you will also need to have his gentle rebuke as well in order to fulfill his role as a brother-in-Christ.
3. HAVE A QUIET AND GENTLE SPIRIT
Eric loves reminding me of this every chance he gets, knowing that I often get riled up and speak quickly without thinking. Having a quiet and gentle spirit doesn’t mean being a doormat, but having the discernment to speak wisely. It means having patience during his shortcomings, and giving him time for change and have the Holy Spirit work. It also means having a spirit of contentment that is rooted in your identity in God, and not feeling the need to be anxious and controlling all the time.
4. DO NOT MAKE YOUR HUSBAND GOD
Too often we try to find that “godly” man and encourage him to pursue many godly attributes. But a struggle comes when women tend to relegate their husbands as God Himself on earth. Where do we find that balance between trusting our husbands, and trusting God? Women have to understand that men will never perfectly fulfill everything that only God can satisfy, and while we can spur them to pursue holiness we do need to have a realistic sense of who God is and who man is.
For those guys who are not married, it is not your responsibility to spiritually lead the girl at this point since she is not your wife. Sometimes this can do more harm than good. The girl can become spiritually dependent on someone who isn’t her husband yet, and end up being “spiritually dragged” instead of being equally yoked and “pushing” one another in marriage later on. In a dating relationship, you can only regard each other still as a brother or sister in Christ. Let your individual spiritual lives flourish independently first so that you have a stronger spiritual foundation to build upon later.
5. SPEAK WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
Women often do not recognize the power of the words they speak to men. It can humble them, or it can make them more selfish. How we react and what we say in response to situations matter. Too many of the arguments that I’ve had with Eric were from speaking rashly and breaking him down, or recalling past sins against him.
6. HAVE A REALISTIC LOOK AT ROMANCE AND LOVE
This kind of connects to #2 but it is true that we too often surround ourselves with romance movies, novels, tv shows, or even other people’s relationship stories which shape the way we view love. We underestimate the influence that these have on us, even if they are from sources that may be good. Even today I find myself comparing my relationship with other people’s and wanting to do the same “date activities” other couples do, only to find that my view of “love” was distorted. The danger of instagram and facebook is being able to see other people’s lives depicted in a “perfect” manner, which only exacerbates our instinctive need to compare.
A lot of these points can boil down to pretty simple terms (since guys like to keep things straightforward): The person you should look for is someone who submits to God and looks to be a servant first rather than to be served. If you find someone who has this quality and is teachable and moldable, you can pretty much work through most issues.
While we aren’t married and still have much to learn, I hope that these tidbits of wisdom from Eric’s mind (or as he would say “words from the Spirit”) are encouraging. Next time I’ll have him write his own blog post 🙂 Marriage will definitely be a journey for everyone in learning how to love the unlovable as we are all sinners. What matters is how we continue to point each other towards becoming the new creation that we already are in Christ.
No the world hasn’t ended but it has been quite an adventure.
Just finished my first semester of medical school and it still shocks me to think that I’m 1/8 (ish) on the way to becoming a doctor. I’ve started watching Scrubs (since Eric is convinced that everything he knows about doctors comes from that show) and it’s cool to see how much more I understand doctor shows now.
So now it’s break and other than basking in the joy of waking up without needing to go to class or study at Starbucks daily, I have to take this time to force myself just write out several reflections. No doubt this year has been eventful going through so many transitions from starting a new school and moving to a new city, but it’s also interesting to see if my relationship with God has actually grown from it all. Even when I’ve seen God’s faithfulness in my life this past year, I’m still struggling with the same sins and maybe even growing apathetic to them. I’ve pushed aside resting in His presence and growing in intimacy with Him, and have instead concerned myself with issues involving the different roles I play in people’s lives. Not spending enough time reading His word and praying for myself and others? No problem…can deal with that another day…and the day after..and the day after. But disappointing my classmates, friends, boyfriend, family, or fellow church members? That cannot happen. So at the end of the day I would rather push myself to fulfill everyone else’s needs instead of making sure I’m walking in the same rhythm as my Lord and Savior who gave me all these opportunities to serve others.
I’ve always thought of myself as a confident person instead of someone who constantly needs the approval of others, or let their expectations define me. But now I’m wondering if I am that latter person. And because of that I constantly place these burdens of fixing other people’s problems or even their hearts on my shoulders instead of instinctively going to God first. This leads me to feel frustrated, anxious, and maybe even angry when my friends aren’t doing well in school/life or when I feel like the church is falling apart.
The funny thing about Christmas though is that I usually get caught up in the festivities, the lights, and the “magic” of it all. But this year the thing that struck me the most was simply the incarnation: God HIMSELF coming down to our broken world because He couldn’t bear to see us suffer and be separated from what was meant to be. The King of the universe wanted to come to our mess, and yet He didn’t come with fanfare or in all His glory but as a helpless baby born to a teenage girl in what would be deemed scandalous, in a barn full of hay and animal poo (living in Chino I now understand the un-glory of it all from the smell of cowpoo daily alone). And yet that day He was born in human flesh, all of creation rejoiced because they knew the darkness was about to end. But the story doesn’t end there…not only was Jesus born in the ultimate form of humility, He also died in humility, hung on a cross which was reserved for the worst of all criminals and being tortured or spat on by the people He came to love. All this so that we could finally be reunited with the One who loves us most despite our tendency to always fall short of perfection no matter how much we try. And yet the story STILL didn’t end. He was born and died in humility, but conquered death to prove that HE was God and had the power to break us free from death and everything else that has a hold on us. Now we can live free without the fear of failing but with the confidence that we will always be His, if we humble ourselves and admit we can’t save ourselves or others by our works alone.
The Christmas story and the Gospel story intertwine so beautifully I couldn’t help but be in awe of the big picture. That’s why I love Josh Wilson’s song “Jesus is Alive” esp with the powerful bridge:
Sin you have no sting.
Hell you have no power.
Curse you are no more.
This is your final hour.
Because the son of God
Has not left us alone.
He’ll live and die and rise again, and then he’ll bring us home.
The old will pass away
And we will become new.
This baby boy is making all sad things untrue.
If Jesus came to take care of the messes of this world, then I need to humble myself and realize I can’t do it myself. All I can do is obey and follow what He has called me to do so that I can have the honor of being a part of His work in redeeming the world. Being a Christian means not needing to prove myself to be the greatest friend/student/girlfriend/church leader/daughter/sister/future-doctor but to simply remind myself that I am already deemed worthy because Love Himself came down for me.
I am currently (finally) updating this blog by my swimming pool. WHATTT?! I HAVE A POOL!? Yes I’m still wrapping my mind around it but here’s proof!
It was pretty hectic moving the weekend before my final anatomy exam but I’m sure my parents were more stressed by the preparation and many sleepless nights. Thanks to a lot of good friends and church people (and an awesome moving company) we managed to move everything pretty efficiently! Going to take me a while to get used to such a huge house as I’ve never lived in such a state of luxury before (it’s real easy to lose track of my phone with two stories now) but definitely grateful for all God has provided.
So anatomy class has finally ended and we had an awesome cadaver memorial service to just thank the people who willingly donated their bodies as well as their families. When dissecting cadavers, it’s easy to forget that there is a person with a story and entire life and just focus on the science of what we’re learning. But this service, as well as our awesome faculty who constantly taught us to treat each body with dignity, helped remind us that every patient is a whole being and we need to see the complete person. My classmates performed songs or said a few personal reflection about their respective cadavers and how grateful they were for the knowledge we were able to gain from their sacrifice. Each death would not be in vain because it gave at least 10 young professionals a picture into complexities of the human body, and their legacy will be carried onto the people we will encounter and hopefully impact later in our careers. I really appreciated how Western reinforced this idea about the complete person, and how it will be significant for our future patients.
Once in a while I need to step out of the “classroom” aspect of medical school and remind myself of the people I want to serve and why I wanted to do medicine in the first place. Fortunately I’ve been able to get involved with a club called PHOP (Pomona Homeless Outreach Project). I’ve always been interested in homeless outreach services such as short term inner city mission trips, but always regretted that I couldn’t do anything long term or build relationships with the people I’ve met. Thanks to PHOP though I can consistently talk to the same people every other week when we serve dinner. Even though I’m exhausted from a long day of class, I never regret taking just an extra hour or two to hang out with the homeless people in our area. My first week (when I struggled with whether or not to go) I met Manuel, who told me all his struggles with his son and not having a place to live. After praying with him, we developed a good bond and I still get to see him every other week. Two weeks ago I met an Apache Native American called Moondog, who dubbed me “Moonflower” and also told me his life story. It was so sweet because he wrote a poem for me that I received yesterday (apparently he does this a lot with the girl volunteers but it was still a nice gesture). I think these experiences allow God to show me the brokenness of the people around me, and how meeting their immediate needs is the start of sharing the gospel. I’m still struggling with how to integrate talking about my faith within a professional club but I think it’ll be a good lesson for me. Hopefully soon I can start helping out with the clinics with PHOP where I get to not only build relationships but work on my clinical skills too 🙂
Some lessons God has been teaching me are truths mostly from Hosea:
ever since you came out of Egypt.
You shall acknowledge no God but me,
no Savior except me.
5 I cared for you in the wilderness,
in the land of burning heat.
6 When I fed them, they were satisfied;
when they were satisfied, they became proud;
then they forgot me.
It’s just hit me today that I’ve already been in school for 2 months. 2 months?! And the UC kids barely started…now they can feel my pain. Or a fraction of it at least 🙂
This week has been INNSANNEE given that we have an OMM practical tomorrow and our 3rd anatomy exam on Tuesday, so it makes perfect sense that I’d blog now right? Truth is my attention span is getting shorter and shorter and needed to procrastinate productively somehow.
This week despite the late days (NOT fun staying at school from 8am-nearly 6:30pm past few days), it’s been interesting knowing how awesome our faculty is. Here are a few examples
1. Dr. Benninger – awesome british teacher who usually teaches at the other campus in Lebanon, Oregon but flew down this week to meet us in person and help out in dissection lab. We enjoy his lectures due to his random British phrases (“jolly good” “oh sugar” “that would be quite antisocial” “that would be your right ventricle, sir or madam”) but he’s also somewhat of a rockstar. Not only was he a sports medicine doctor for a few famous sports team, he’s also an editor for our anatomy textbooks (literally the ones that EVERYBODY in med school uses as their anatomy bibles) and has a vein named after him.
2. Dr. Rega – She guest lectured only once but was a mentor for our favorite professor so far (will be mentioned below). Not only is she hilarious and engaging and able to make bones seem interesting when talking about locomotion. She ALSO is a consultant for Disney Animations and helps make their characters move and act realistically. She worked on Mulan, Pocahantas, Tarzan, and more. HOW COOL IS THAT?! She also made our classmates (including a dude) wear high heels and walk to show how it’s bad for our feet and legs.
3. Dr. Wedel – May I say the best professor we’ve had so far? Always puts in quirky memes and pictures in his lectures to make it interesting and has the best organized powerpoints and diagrams.
He also today simultaneously gave us newfound motivation to do well in our OMM and Anatomy classes by sharing a story about his wife (also a professor here) and how “the love of his life” was saved due to good DO doctors who knew their anatomy and OMM skills. Not going to lie, most of us during lecture teared up. Here’s a pic of him and his son.
Other news – Our moving date to the new house in Chino is set for Oct 27, conveniently the weekend before my final anatomy exam. As sad as I am leaving Walnut, I suppose change is good (since many are happening already) but I’m thankful for all things I have and the little reminders I get each day of how blessed I am.
I guess now is a good time to get back to work. Farewell! And hopefully more reflections to come once the madness temporarily ends.
NOW it feels like we’re really in medical school…
Our first exam is Friday and we are all semi-freaking out (some more than others) since this will also be a true test about how efficient our study strategies are. For the first time in a while I had to wake up early on a weekend and go study before our church’s college group. This might sound weird, but there’s something strangely comforting and peaceful about studying in a public place (preferably an awesome place like Panera Bread or Barnes and Nobles..where I currently am) even if it’s by myself. I think I just need people around me in a public “study” environment to focus and feel like a legit student 🙂
With spurts of anxious thoughts coming to my mind, especially about how I’ll never have a long break again after next summer, it’s helpful to see the Word pop up in different places. I’ve lately just been super anxious about the med school timeline and how there are so few windows to do things I want to do (such as getting married…), as well as how our church is going to fare after Andy and I will get busier. Luckily I have brothers and sisters in Christ that remind me not to idolize things other than God, and not be anxious.
“It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for he gives to his beloved sleep.”- Psalm 127:2
Along with that, great reminders on Sundays about idolatries and how our god of control doesn’t save us. And those wonderful reminders from my Isaiah devotions that tell me I’m still HIS no matter how far I run away or fall.
Still, every week feels like it’s two and it’s hard adjusting to this sense of exhaustion and need to build stamina. I’m grateful for little fun moments such as Saturday night’s movie viewing at Eric’s house, after studying for 8 hours total that day, and inviting my new friends to my home for a homecooked meal, and then studying at Ten Ren’s after (we’re turning our half white/japanese friend into a more Asian boy by the end of this…) as well as free food at school.
All in all, I have to remind myself it’s only going to get harder, but if this is the path God has planned for me, He’ll get me through this as well.
Time to go back to studying!
JULY JULY JULY! one more month til school…
1. 3 gifts loved
1) Getting to watch the new Spider-man movie in imax 3D. SO AWESOME. And got a free poster and tattoos ^_^
2) Ability to go on vacation
3) My support system
2. 3 gifts read
1) Getting a nice card from Audrey all the way from norcal!
2) Friends telling me how excited they are to watch Spider-man and fb-ing me about it since they all think of me whenever Spider-man things are out
3) Just finished reading Joy Luck Club…good reminders of my heritage and generational gaps for Asian women. Now I have to rewatch the movie with my Mom on VHS…
3.
1) A gift in faith: true freedom and peace due to trusting Someone BIG
2) A gift in family: never feeling lonely
3) A gift in freedom: getting holidays where we get to watch amazing fireworks and make history books come alive
4.
1) A gift in red: FIREWORKS!!!
2) A gift in white: Paper towels for cleaning my messiness
3) A gift in blue: Eric’s foldable blue chair I bought for him that comes in handy all the time
5. 3 gifts of persistence
1) Reconciliation
2) Getting things done
3) Growth
6. 3 gifts of enthusiasm
1) GOING TO BOSTON TOMORROW NIGHT
2) Adventures next week and finding clues Wendy will leave for me
3) Not believing that med school is starting in a month…
Man…when I have more time it’s harder and harder to do things I need to do. CATCH UP TIME and will be a good time to recount blessings from past few weeks
22. 3 gifts that are difficult
1) Saying sorry
2) Learning to give someone space
3) Ministry, ministry, ministry
23. 3 gifts found around a table
1) Good company
2) Good conversations
3) Faces of contentment with yummy food
24.
1) A gift found in water: Relief from the heat
2) A gift found in words: appreciation
3) A gift found in white: white camis perfect for layering with new tank tops!
25. 3 gifts today in someone older than you
1) Wise advice
2) Encouragement
3) Someone to give guidance
26. 3 gifts in fabric
1) Ability to be creative (not that I am…)
2) Smell of clean clothes
3) Blankets to snuggle in
27. 3 gifts framed by a frame
1) Preserving memories
2) Hard earned achievements
3) DIY crafts
28. 3 gifts eaten
1) Trying new recipes this summer from pinterest and succeeding!
2) Chocolates from patients
3) El Pollo Loco…we always take their delicious chicken for granted
29.
1) A gift small: Dad gave me a small bookmark he got from a retreat. We share a love for reading!
2) A gift big: Forgiveness and second chances
3) A gift just right: Smoothie from the bf
30. 3 gifts you gave today
1) Paying for a massage for someone
2) Cooking parents dinner
3) A listening ear
12. 3 gifts full
1) God’s grace for me as I struggle with life’s daily burdens and finding joy
2) My belly: had souplantation yesterday and have been experimenting with various recipes. SUPER GOOD.
3) blessings and realizing how many great friends I have
13. 3 gifts smelled
1) Candles that a patient brought in for us. Smells like lilacs and they’re pretty 🙂
2) Freshly baked cookies from making pizookies last night at midnight per Eric’s request
3) Summer air
14.
1) A gift unexpected: Getting paid for tutoring I was going to offer for free
2) A gift unwanted: Wrestling with the concept of homosexuality and faith. It’s very hard to balance showing compassion and grace, but also trying to hold onto what is true in the midst of it. But with these recent challenges I’ve begun to understand how much gay christians struggle and are in need of love. grace, and an understanding ear from the church, which is something we (including myself) so often fail at. The issue is so much more complicated than what we make it to be. It was unwanted at first, but I’m glad God is making this topic much more prevalent so I can equip myself to better understand how to tackle these impending issues.
3) A gift unlikely: That I can fix people by myself using my own wisdom. HAH.
15. 3 gifts in His Word
1) Everything we ever need to know
2) An abiding and enduring truth that won’t change no matter the social climate
3) Hope for restoration and healing for our world
16. 3 gifts moving
1) The amazing moving stage at the KA Cirque du soleil show. BLEW MY MIND!
2) Potential changes happening this summer and learning to accept it
3) Road trips to Vegas with old roommates
17. 3 gifts in your dad
1) Wisdom
2) Silliness
3) Someone to take care of me!
18. 3 gifts from your heavenly Father
1) Always providing what I need instead of what I want
2) Sending His Son to die for me even while knowing how messed up I am and that I could never repay Him
3) A new family
19. 3 gifts that you became today in serving
1) A chef: got to cook for my family. Tiff Mau, Joyce and Tiff Ko this past week. Thanks for being my guinea pigs!
2) Being served – had some awesome prayer from my sisters in Christ
3) Listener: I’m glad that some youth kids trust me enough to tell me about their personal issues whether it’s about family or relationships. But listening is still something I need to get better at.
20.
1) A gift bent: Boss creatively using a hanger to retrieve a key I so clumsily lost in a crack
2) A gift beautiful: Sunsets
3) A gift loved: shorts in the heat!
21. 3 gifts found in light
1) Optometrist instruments that helped diagnose that my eye allergies and itchiness are GPC – giant papillary conjunctivitis. Guess I’ll be wearing glasses for the next few weeks until it gets better…and then improve my contact cleaning routine.
2) A way to beat the darkness
3) Longer days to spend more time outside doing stuff like walking, washing cars, reading.
Musings of Emme 